Many ask, “Will you marry us?” And the answer is, “It depends.” Not because we enjoy saying no, and not because we think we are better than anyone. It depends because marriage is not ours to redefine. God created it. God names it. God sets its boundaries. So before we talk about ceremonies, vows, and dates, we have to talk about what marriage is and who gets to say.

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Confessional Lutherans confess that marriage is the lifelong union of one man and one woman. Not because of tradition, politics, or nostalgia, but because that is how Scripture speaks from the beginning. God creates man and woman, and He says, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Jesus repeats this and grounds it in creation, not in culture: “From the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female’… ‘the two shall become one flesh’… What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:6–9). That definition does not come from a church vote. It comes from the Creator.

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That means no other union counts as marriage before God. Not man and man. Not woman and woman. Not one man and multiple women. Not one woman and multiple men. Not any group arrangement, however sincere, however committed, however celebrated. People can call many things “marriage,” and civil law can attach benefits to various arrangements. But the Church does not have authority to rename what God has already named. When God defines a thing, we do not improve it by editing it. We only confuse it.

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A skeptic will say, “So you’re reducing marriage to biology.” No. We are saying marriage is a created reality with a given structure. Marriage is not just romance or companionship. It is a public, lifelong covenant union that binds a man and a woman as one flesh, ordered toward mutual help and the bearing and raising of children, when God grants them. It also serves as a guardrail against sexual chaos. This does not make marriage easy. It makes marriage real.

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Another skeptic will say, “This is unloving.” That assumes love means affirming whatever someone desires. Scripture defines love differently. Love tells the truth. Love does not lie to people about what God says. Love also refuses to treat anyone as a slogan. We do not deny that people experience deep desires, deep pain, and deep confusion here. We also do not pretend that sexual sin only exists “out there” with “those people.” Every sinner brings disordered desires to the table. The Church does not stand over the world as the clean judging the dirty. The Church stands in the world as sinners who also need Christ. 

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So what do we do with failures, divorces, and sexual sin? We do what we always do: we preach repentance and forgiveness in Jesus. Jesus does not lower God’s standards, and He does not abandon sinners. He tells the truth, and then He bleeds for liars. He calls people out of sin, and He welcomes them into mercy. The Church cannot bless what God calls sin. But the Church must always hold out what God calls grace.

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If you want to talk about marriage, we want to talk with you. Not to win an argument, not to pick a fight, but to be clear about what God gives and why it is good. Marriage is not a toy for adults. It is a gift from the Creator, and it is big enough to carry joy, suffering, repentance, forgiveness, and faithfulness for a lifetime.